Fuck brokeNCYDE and their shitty crunkcore. That’s totally 2009. 2010 is the year of crabcore. Crabcore? Yes. Crabcore. At the Eurosonic/Noorderslag conference, Jeps Salfischberger, metal-booker at Mojo a Live Nation company and someone who should know what’s coming up, told us. And we agree.

How it works? It’s really easy, Guardian UK learns us: Unlike all the other genres covered in this column, crabcore isn’t defined by sonics or BPMs or lyrical content, or tied to a geographic location. Crabcore is defined by the body contortions of the band’s guitarists when they perform. This is the lolloping crab-like stance (As you can see on top of this post) adopted while a guitar player shreds, and it’s not dissimilar to a sumo wrestler having extreme muscle spasms while readying themselves to engage with an opponent.

That said, you should now practice like we’re doing. We’re thinking about having a crabcore crab fishing contest during Incubate 2010, so you have to be the best by then. Good luck. Spread the word. And in the mean time, check out the practice video below by the godfathers of crabcore, Attack Attack!:

ps. We are really sorry for posting this in the “culture” category.